What The Prophet Said - When A Woman Seeks Help

The other day I was listening to a lecture about the women during the Prophet’s time when I came across these two gems:

One day Khansa Bint Khaddim (RA), an Ansari woman, came to the prophet (SAW) and said to him, "O Prophet, I was married off by my father without my consent and I am not happy with my marriage" On hearing this, the prophet annulled her marriage.

In another instance, the wife of Thabit bin Qays (RA) told the prophet, "Oh Messenger of Allah, I do not blame Thabit for defects in his religion or character, but I am afraid that if I do continue living with him I might behave in an un-Islamic manner if I remain with him" The prophet (SAW) then asked her if she was ready to return the garden (the dower) Thabit gave her when they got married. When she said yes, the prophet (SAW) told Thabit to take back the garden and divorce her.

What surprised me the most was that the prophet (SAW) never asked either of the ladies ‘to be patient’ or to ‘think of the children and bear with it’ or that ‘Allah will reward you if you continue in this marriage’. In today’s society, these are just few of the many advises given to a woman who is in a bad marriage, even if the reason she first sought advice for was an abusive husband.
One thing we have to understand is that a woman is notoriously selfless and patient . She has this tremendous reserve with which she controls her emotions and needs for the sake of her family. So, just imagine how much should she have gone through to have depleted that reserve, gathered courage and come out to seek help. And instead of giving constructive advice, she is told to be patient, bear with it, with the promise that Allah will reward her. No doubt Allah will reward her, inshallah. But to be patient is not to sit around, with hands tied up and take in the abuse day in and out till she is reduced to a shadow of her former self. This is no way in line with Islam.
It’s about time our community leaders and counselors do something proactive. Imams should talk to the men about preserving the rights of the women. They should drive home the message that the prophet said the best of men are the ones who are best to their wives. And when a woman does come asking for help, efforts should be made to bring the husband in, talk with him, see what the problem is and provide counseling sessions if the need arises.
At the same time, women should become aware of their rights and duties. There is so much they can learn from history, which is rich with stories of women who stood up against oppression. They should be raised to be proud of their identity as a Muslim and a woman and never feel that they are lacking in any way and hence deserve the treatment meted out to them.
The family is the foundation of the society and if that collapses, so does the society. It’s about time we take a leaf out of the prophet’s (SAW) life, where we trust the woman and try to actively find solutions instead of asking a section of the society to suppress her emotions and deal with it herself while we look the other way.