Sunday 27 August 2017

My Mothering Project

For as long as I remember I have always craved for a semblance of order. An order in the way my house was arranged, with everything in it’s place. A carefully planned schedule from the time I woke up till I retired for the day. It made me feel productive. That is till two years back a beautiful hurricane entered my life and forced it apart with the loudest cry of life she could muster.

All resemblance to order was thrown out of the window. Everything I thought I knew about myself was put to test. Motherhood caught me by the reins and turned my world upside down. I yearned for that predictability. I felt comfortable there and being here, I felt like a fish out of water. I tried to bring that order into our lives failing miserably each time and yet coming back even more determined not realizing that this wasn’t the way it was supposed to be. I had to learn to embrace this unpredictability, the unpredictability of life that comes along with a child. The unpredictability of a child whose smiles, tears, play all move like the two extremes of a pendulum. For my own sanity and that of my family’s I had to throw away many of my preconceived notions on discipline, learning and milestones out of the window and accept this world of uncertainty wholeheartedly.

I as a mother am a work in progress. As my daughter grows, so do I. I move few steps forward some days only to find myself a step or two back the next day. But that is the gift of parenting- a gift that keeps giving. A gift of chances even after screwing up, to make up to our children and by extension ourselves. A chance to raise a strong, healthy and contributing member to the society. It isn’t all moonlight and roses. There are times of guilt and anxiety. But if I stop and look closely there are so many beautiful moments that far outweigh the not-so-good times. I just need to be mindful of these moments, recognize them and receive them.

So, this is going to be my mothering project. A record of these moments of clarity, these 'A-ha' moments that brings me closer to my daughter and brings me closer to the mother I want to be to my children. A reminder for the days to come and a memory of the days that went by. Feel free to join me in this long journey of discovery. Join in whenever something works for you and even when something doesn’t. Let’s accept our vulnerabilities for the sake of our children and come out stronger on the other end. We owe it to them and ourselves.

15 comments:

  1. Subhan Allah, the gift of motherhood is truly a joy and blessing from Allah. It just reflects in your message. Lookin forward to this journey. May Allah fill your life with joy sis!

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    1. Ameen sister! And you are right, motherhood is truly a blessing ❤️

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  2. May the moments of joy far outweigh those with guilt and anxiety since all of these are a given with motherhood.

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    1. Ameen! And may Allah make it easy for all us mothers out there and give us the wisdom and patience to raise our children ❤️

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  3. Thanks for sharing your personal experience, having anxiety and guilt is part of motherhood I know this because I am a mother of five

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    1. Mashallah! May Allah bless you and your children sister.

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  4. This is a phase most of the mothers go through when they are living in nuclear families which is pretty common these days....InshaAllah things will be back to normal soon....

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    1. Ameen ❤️ I didn't know these feelings were mostly prevalent in nuclear families. That is interesting. I wonder how different it would be for mothers in joint families.

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  5. So true. My order tan out of the window when I became a mom but in some ways a new order was created by it. Alhamdylilah

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    1. Oh yes! It's a matter of embracing the new order, isn't it? :)

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  6. Shukran for sharing, may Allah make it easy for you. (Www.spicyfusionkitchen.com)

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  7. I felt the same after my first child. I still managed to keep things in order though, it wasn't until my second that everything has become unpredictable. I am still learning how to handle it all.

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    1. May Allah make it easy for all us mothers, Ameen. I can learn a thing or two from your organisation skills though sister, mashallah :)

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  8. Mashallah, this is soooo powerful!!! May Allah make you better and stronger for you and your family.

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